he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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