Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
