She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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