I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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