Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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