It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
