Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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