can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
