I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
