my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
