So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
