Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
