what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
