I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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