8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
