I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
