So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
