Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
