Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
