I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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