Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
