That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
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