would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
