He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
