Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Farmville is her only friend.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
