dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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