you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
