Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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