I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
