how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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