Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
