Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Randomize
