I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Two words: blizzard sex
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
