things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
