just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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