im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
pray to the hookup gods
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
