You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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