I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
