...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
