Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
