i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
why do cheetos always look like penises
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
