I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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