i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
