I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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