There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
