Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
