the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
She's just so happy...and so naked.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
