okay pat passed out under dana's car
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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