Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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