hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
