I cannot find my penis.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
