hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
