Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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