Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
