I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
