Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
